Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
