First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
