I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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