i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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