Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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