Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
