FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
