I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
