even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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