i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They have beer where we have blood.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
