the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
they're like a gay fantastic four
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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