I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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