When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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