PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
