oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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