what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
