Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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