google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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