if you like me you must not know who I am
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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