next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
