I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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