I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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