i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
