Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
