This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
