so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
