I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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