someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
