Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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