All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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