I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
