Capitaan dildo arrescate!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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