Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
