two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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