The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
where am i from again
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
