Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
