Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
