why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
