i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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