24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
