Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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