I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
