ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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