just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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