capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
