So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
