This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
