I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
