i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
