no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
