She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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