Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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