Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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