Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
