come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
