i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
