Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
